AMBiTiON/Story/Ch. 15

Chapter 15 - Epiphany
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"Come on, To-chan! Go tell her!"

Suzume urged the fretting girl, and Toshiko let out a groan. "I know, I know! Agh, I can't believe you guys picked me out of all the people to talk...!"

"You're good with words, Toshiko-chan. You can explain it," Michi said, her blueberry eyes pleading beneath her glasses.

"And you know I suck at being serious!" Toshiko retorted. "I'm scared how she'd react, y'know? Micchan! Why don't you do it? You get along the best with her!"

"T-That's exactly why I don't want to! And--"

"Guys." Haru spoke up, and the three bickering girls went silent. The soft-spoken Haru always had trouble wording her thoughts, much less when everyone was being so loud. "Would you rather... her find out by herself later? Or find out now? From us being up front..."

Toshiko stared at her, as reluctant determination lit up her eyes. "You know what, Haru? You're right." She glanced at Aki, a little ways away from the front seat that was Michi's desk.

Aki was chatting with the weirdly aloof Chihiro Satou-san. Why did they start hanging out so suddenly...? Every time Toshiko saw Satou-san, she couldn't help but wonder what she wanted - So wondered the rest of them. Well, they didn't have to wonder anymore. Because they were going to tell Aki now.

Sorry, but these girls were about to break it off.

--

An epiphany is defined as a sudden revelation or insight based in intuition, usually spurred on in mundane and typical settings, such as a workplace scenario. Chihiro supposed it described her moment of 'clarity' that day decently well, but... 'clarity'? She loathed using such a simple word, with such a simple connotation.

The truth was as follows: Chihiro did care about her bandmates. That was the 'epiphany' she had on Saturday, at the mall with a cup of chocolate ice cream in her hands. But she despised that truth. It was repulsive, blasphemous, and an objection to her core as the girl known as Chihiro Satou. She liked thinking of herself as someone clever, as someone who was able to pursue the truth, but in the last few days she'd learned that such a position was impossible when she was biased. This was a chocolate-flavored truth that she once craved, and now it only tasted bitter, without a drop of sweetness. Chihiro had lost her appetite for that reality.

"Hiro-tan!"

"Aki-yan," Chihiro acknowledged dully. She tried acting as normal as she could, but the sight of this pitiful, oblivious girl annoyed her to death. Aki must have been crazy stupid, if she never caught onto what Chihiro had thought of her this whole time.

"So~, what do you have for lunch today?"

Chihiro glanced at her lunchbox. It was rice with luncheon meat and broccoli. "The usual." She decided to mutter.

"Okay... Hey actually, Hiro-tan, do you think you'll have trouble with that homework the teacher just gave? It's kinda tricky, right?"

"Maybe. We'll see."

Chihiro cared about them; that was the truth. But in the end, it was a truth she was willing to reject. As Aki stood at her desk, looking a little puzzled by her dismissiveness, Chihiro contemplated her emotions. It was quite easy to say she didn't want to care about these idiots, but explaining why was its own can of worms, a can she hadn't even opened. Intuitively speaking, all she had to say was that 'it didn't feel right'. But as for concrete reasoning? She propped her head on her hand - Well, she was already deathly sick of having to justify herself to the world. Until another epiphany hit her, Chihiro refused to think about it any more than she already had.

"Aki-chan, Chihiro-chan? I'm here..." Sorae poked her head into the doorway of class 1-C.

"Sora-chin!" Aki greeted. "Well then, let's get going--"

"A-Actually, Aki, wait a sec." An unfamiliar voice cut into her line. Dazed, Chihiro turned in her seat to see a girl with raspberry-red hair approaching.

It was Toshiko Higashiki, one of the four girls in Aki's posse before Chihiro invited Aki to her band and proceeded to forget about them. She hadn't recalled their names before, but even someone like Chihiro could come to remember them when nearly three months of the school year already passed.



Higashiki stepped closer, while the stranger's friends stood nearby, nervously watching - Suzume Asakawa, Michi Hamura... Even Haru Kuriyama, who was usually bumbling around in her own world, was off to the side with a concerned dullness in her gaze.

"S-Sorry, but I just wanted to talk to you for a second. You got time, Aki?"

"Eh...?"

Higashiki shot a glance at Chihiro. "Oh, hey, Satou-san." She shifted her silver eyes. "I won't borrow her for long! I just have to talk about something really fast."

… About what? Or rather, who?

"Uh, sure. That's fine." Chihiro shifted a little away from the stranger. By then, the three no-name friends of Higashiki had already slipped out the door.

Aki's eyes glinted with worry, but she smiled anyways. "Yeah, it's fine, Toshiko-chan. Hiro-tan, you go with Sora-chin to the usual spot, I'll be there soon!"

Still fogged with confusion, Chihiro nodded and got up. She certainly wasn't big on having to talk to Aki that day, but she wasn't sure about the prospect of being alone with Sorae, either. "C-Chihiro-chan, what was that about...?" Sorae said, but she had no answer.

--

Chihiro tried not to be curious about just what Aki and Higashiki talked about yesterday. After all, she was trying hard not to care about that annoying genius princess anymore. But she couldn't help her nosiness, not when Aki began to act a lot more down-in-the-dumps than usual after she returned from that conversation. Just what happened, and what did Higashiki tell her?

"Hey, Hiro-tan..." As the dismissal bell rang, Aki visited Chihiro at her desk, to the latter's irritation. "Do you wanna come to Volleyball Club with me today? 'Cause I have practice on Wednesdays."

"What? Why?"

"Oh, nothing..." Aki looked away. Chihiro could tell she had other intentions. "I just wanted to show you something after school. You don't have to come if you don't wanna."

... Where did this come from? Of course, Chihiro wanted greatly to refuse the offer. She was tired of caring about Aki by now, and she definitely didn't plan on being Aki's therapist, if Higashiki's talk had hurt her fee-fees that badly. But try as Chihiro might to resist it, there was a strange, invisible string that tugged her into accepting Aki's proposal.

"... Yeah, okay."

"R-Really, Hiro-tan? Are you sure? I don't leave until 4:30, you know."

"Yeah, I'm sure."

What the hell had gotten into her...? And to think Chihiro tried so hard to stop caring for Aki the past few days, and now it was all for naught...! 'I don't care about her problems,' Chihiro told herself, 'I'm just doing this to see what kind of useful information I can get from her.' Somehow, such a vile thought had comforted her more than human compassion ever could.

The two walked through the Hanasakigawa hallways to the gymnasium. Chihiro was on her phone, texting Izumi and Mai that she wouldn't be on the same train as them that day and before she knew it, Aki had stopped at the gym doors. "Ah, Hoshime. And who's this?" A P.E. teacher came along and greeted.

"O-Oh, I'm Chihiro Satou..."

"Is it okay if she stays here with me? Until I leave at 4:30." Aki asked for permission. Nodding her head yes, the teacher returned to setting up equipment.

Chihiro tentatively took a seat on one of the benches lining the gym wall, setting down her bag. "Hey, Aki-yan. What should I do while I wait?" She asked. She certainly hadn't planned on being here, after all.

"A-Ah, to be honest, I didn't think that part through..." Aki smiled stupidly. "Well, Hiro-tan... Wanna try playing volleyball?"

"Right now?! H-Hell no! I suck at it! I don't even have my P.E. uniform..."

"Aw, don't say that, Hiro-tan. Be confident! Love yourself!"

Love... herself...

"Er, no, screw that. I'm not touching a single volleyball today," Chihiro leaned back on the bench and laughed, but her mind had gone to a different place. Through the veil of her consciousness, she watched Aki giggle with amused disappointment and leave to get changed.

Love... herself. Love herself. That was it - the second epiphany! Chihiro felt a sudden grand rush of satisfaction, like she'd unlocked the door to a great vault - This was the answer she'd been looking for!

Her blank gaze fell flat on the glossy wooden floor. Why was she so discontent with the truth that she cared for her bandmates? Because Chihiro loved herself. Why was she willing to reject that truth and stop caring for them? Because Chihiro loved herself. Because she loved herself, and cared about protecting herself, her identity, and her status as the one and only Chihiro Satou! It had all become clear now. For her to care about others was but a horrible miscontrual of the way this cruel world worked. She'd been hurt, badly, by the people around her all her life via neglect, hatred, envy, ignorance, and for her to love them in spite of that was nonsense - only an invitation for her to be hurt once more. But now... Indeed, she hated the fact that she cared for the band, and now she would make herself stop caring, by any means necessary. Because Chihiro loved herself, and in a wonderful act of self-preservation, she would avenge herself over and over and over and over again...

It really did feel like she found it. So then, why could she find another locked door in this vault of answers?

"Eek!" Chihiro had zoned out completely when she jumped at a loud sound. "Ugh... it was just someone hitting the volleyball too hard...?" She'd already entirely forgotten that she was still sitting in the gym. Since when did so many club members come in? Suddenly Chihiro felt quite out of place and a little awkward, but she tried her best to ignore her antsyness.

Because now... she didn't care about others anymore. And if she did, it would be in her fate-given code to undermine that.

Chihiro found her unfocused gaze tracing the movements of Aki, skillfully serving a ball across the net. She wasn't quite sure what was happening since she never paid attention whenever their class had to play volleyball, but that didn't matter. Someone seemed to call a point for Aki's team. "Tch," Chihiro scoffed at that dumb 'gifted kid' talent. Not because she was jealous - not anymore, at least - but only because she was tired of seeing it. Sure, it proved useful for the band project, but when it didn't serve Chihiro any good, it only seemed show-off-y and annoying.

Games of volleyball flashed across Chihiro's zoned out eyes. Some time must have passed because suddenly, Aki left the court and approached Chihiro.

"Hiro-tan!" She said. "Is it about time to go yet?"

Chihiro checked her phone and was surprised to learn that it was already 4:20PM - only 10 minutes until Aki had to leave. Before long, 4:30 arrived and Aki had changed back into her regular uniform. And yet, every other club member was still in a match. So why was Aki leaving early?

"Ready to go?" Aki had her bag and was approaching the door, looking at Chihiro. She nodded, stiffly standing up when...

"What the-- Where are you going?" Just as Chihiro stepped past the doorframe and the door creaked shut, she saw Aki speeding up through the hall, leading their way. Aki briefly stopped, only for a moment.

"Oh... Y-You know when I said I had something to show you? Sorry, but... follow me, Hiro-tan."

Chihiro saw her face and, unable to comprehend that directionless expression, a pang of worry struck Chihiro's chest. 'No, stop it,' she cursed herself, 'I just swore off feeling anything for these imbeciles...' So why?

All of a sudden, the confidence she just built up talking to herself had evaporated. She couldn't say anything, nothing at all, and watched Aki walk further and further away. And she couldn't feel anything, nothing at all, but anxiety for Aki, and growing fury at herself.

Her distant silhouette took a left. Was that... the courtyard?

--

"What'd you... need me for?" Aki treaded as carefully as she could with the question, curious but worried. A familiar girl with raspberry hair stood awkwardly in front of her.

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Trivia

 * Upon reading this story, the song My only ETHEREALiTY is unlocked.


 * A special artwork of the members of Sugar✧Rush is displayed in this story.