AMBiTiON/Story/Ch. 14

Chapter 14 - Day Out, Dusk
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Chihiro was still plagued with confusion about her intention and relations with the band by the time she was back home, sitting at the coffee table in her room at 9PM. Even as she tried distracting herself by doing homework, Chihiro could still hear an imaginary creature of doubt clutching onto her back, constantly whispering the same confusing words over and over again.

It wasn't like Chihiro to worry about trivial things like this. The answer was obvious: Of course she didn't care about them! They didn't care about her, either. It was only fair. If everyone in Chihiro's life was so indifferent towards her, she was only resetting the 'balance' by doing all of this! ... Or something. How silly. It wasn't as if anyone cared for her at all, anyways. Chihiro was supposed to be the protagonist, the good person. So why did she feel so uneasy about her apathy?

She recalled the words of a once cold-shouldered Izumi, back when she'd convinced her to join the band. "Does it matter that I look happy? Does it matter when I look so stupid? When I get berated by people like you?"

People like Chihiro... She rested her chin on the surface of her math homework. Even now, she was still puzzled by the meaning of that phrase. Chihiro wasn't 'like' anyone. Yet Izumi spat those words with such hurt, it sounded like they were made of grudge and heartache. But that was ridiculous - If anything, Chihiro should've been the one with a grudge towards people, the girl who had been neglected by fate and life. So why... what did it mean?

'I wonder if Izumi wants to be liked as much as I do.' For the first time, the thought crossed Chihiro's mind. Then she tossed it away - That idiot girl wasn't capable of such complex ideas. And not to mention, it wasn't reasonable for Chihiro to think about how other people feel, if no one had ever considered how SHE felt for even a second. 'I can't be so unfair to myself! I need other people to go through what I went through.' Her hand balled into a fist. 'Because... I deserve that. I love myself. I do.' But...

It was too late - A raindrop had disturbed the unbroken surface of Chihiro's heart. She had a foot in each world, stuck on the border, and it seemed some time she would have to pick a side.

And that time was not now. Chihiro forcefully shoved the reverberating thoughts into the back of her mind and focused on the text Izumi just sent to the group chat.

Izumi: "guyys can we go somewhere do somethingg??"

Mai, who'd been added to the chat recently: "What do you mean? We have been going to HorizoN every Friday."

Izumi: "i mean like OTHER STUFF! that REGULAR ppl do !"

Aki: "Depends what day!"

Izumi: "uuuuuhhhhhhhh can we do saturday tmrw at like 2"

Chihiro: "Wait were not doing this afterschool??"

Aki: "Tomorrow's fine with me!"

Izumi: "r u scared of weeekends hirotan. saturday will be finee"

Izumi: "and also theres no rain finally i think"

Izumi: "RAA-KUN I KNOW UR ONLINE say smth"

Sorae: "IDK WHAT TO SAY ó﹏ò; where r we even going"

Chihiro: "can we go to the mall? I wantto go to that ice cream place"

Mai: "That is fine by me."

Aki: "Sure! :D"

Izumi: "what, just get snacc nd go?"

Sorae: "idk wat normal ppl do so ok (,,• ω •,,)b"

Chihiro: "R you saying I'm not normal?? ò_ó"

Placing her phone face down on the table, she let out a sigh. To care or not to care? The answer she'd been so used to giving didn't feel right to her lips anymore. But now that a plan had suddenly been made, the only thing left to do was to wait and see how it all unfolds. Perhaps the answer to her dilemma may be found soon.

--

On the following day Chihiro found herself under the soft light of an early-summer sun, standing in front of the mall by the side of Izumi and Mai. "Where the hell are they...?"

"Oh, Hiro-tan, be patient~. We only just got here too!" Izumi's words came out like molasses. "So what if they're a little late? Enjoy the pace of life a bit~..."

"Normally I would not condone tardiness, but I suppose we can only be patient. Now then, what shall we discuss as we wait...?"

"Don't get smart with me, you two." Chihiro muttered. "I'm not making small talk about the weather even if you put a gun to my head."

"Hiro-tan, Izumin, Mai-san! Over here!" As she spoke, a faint call was heard.

"Lucky for you, Hiro-tan. You're not gonna be a bullet taco today. Aki-yan, Raa-kun!" Izumi called out and charged headfirst at the oncoming Aki and Sorae like some kind of rabid animal.

Aki, being skilled as she was, was perfectly adept in curbing Izumi's 'greeting'. "Izumin~!" She pet her curly hair as if she were a dog. Sorae, with unbrushed hair as always, jumped in surprise.

"Where were you?" Mai quiered. "You were three minutes and forty-nine seconds late." Chihiro thought for a moment that she was angry, but from the blank tone of her voice, it seemed she was only curious.

"S-Sorry... I'm n-not good with public transport..."

"Well, can we get inside now? It's getting hot out here." Chihiro commented, to no disagreement. And so, the five girls entered the building, greeting the well-received heat repellent that was air-conditioning.

It was a big place, to say the least - If it wasn't, Chihiro didn't think it deserved to be called a mall. The only reason she was even familiar with this place, however, was because she kept getting dragged here in middle school by either her weirdo 'friends' whom she despised being seen with, or Chihiro's barely-motherly mother, who was more like an annoying sister than a parent. Once she went into high school, those 'friends' disappeared to another school, and according to her mother, "It's time for my baby girl to grow up!"

Of course, Chihiro didn't like admitting that she never came to such places on her own accord. After all, a self-proclaimed 'average high school girl' like her should practically inhabit these quintessential high-schooler hangout spaces. It was just that...

"Geez, it's been a while since I came here."

"Eh~? I would've thought you'd come here all the time, Hiro-tan." Izumi tilted her head. "I thought you're the type to go to the mall with your 'high school besties' every Sunday!"

"W-Well, I wish I could say that! But... Ugh. I just don't go to these places by myself."

"Oh, I get it~. You have no friends, is that right?"

Chihiro begrudgingly looked away without a retort. 'That's only because no one's good enough for that,' She wanted to reply, but kept it to herself. Well, now she was here with the band, though she wished she was here with someone she actually cared about instead.

The five wandered into the middle of the mall atrium where Chihiro looked up at a lone cloud through the skylights, three floors above their heads. She wondered what it was like to be above everybody.

"H-Hey, um..." Sorae began. "C-Can we actually go to the stationery place first? I... lost my eraser the other day a-and I need a new one..."

Izumi gasped, overjoyed. "Yess! I'm gonna write on the sample paper~!"

… Right. Chihiro expected as much.

In the stationery store, Sorae disappeared into some corner of the place, and everyone else scattered similarly, including Chihiro. Not that she planned on making any purchases, but she certainly enjoyed seeing the cute gel pens and the like - How could she not, when her favorite part of school was making aesthetically-pleasing notes?

Meanwhile Izumi, like a single-minded robot, had marched over to a display of pens and started writing on one of those sample papers with a bright pink highlighter. Chihiro peered over her shoulder with little effort, only to be met with the words "Chickin Nuggy"... Cue flashback. Only then was Chihiro reminded of the matter from yesterday.

"Any ideas for the band name?" Izumi spoke suddenly without even turning around.

"How did you--?!"

She spun to face Chihiro. "Heheh, don't you know~? The legendary Izumin's got a sixth sense." She said, grinning slyly. Then her gaze hardened in slight seriousness. "But like, any ideas?"

She shrugged. "Well, I can't say I thought about it, so no, I don't. I don't even know where to start..." It wasn't hard for Chihiro to think about what sort of image she wanted to have - The real challenge was to turn that image into a band name. Something sweet, something youthful... 'Candy Sweet Miracle'? No... 'Parfait*Wonderland'...? Or maybe--

"Right~?" Izumi's voice interrupted her train of thought. "How do you come up with a name that can represent five whole people...?"

Huh?

"Y-Yeah, right. Five people..." Chihiro tried her best to pretend like she hadn't forgotten about the rest of them. As if it wasn't difficult enough already, now the name had to represent the rest of those buffoons as well? What a pain...

"Hey, you're talking about our band name, right?" Aki came by - She must have overheard. "I'm low on ideas too, but I think if we've managed to stick together so far, we must have something in common..."

Then Sorae and Mai showed up as well, the former clutching two erasers in her right hand, held close to her chest. "Um, what's going on?" She asked.

At this current point in time, the five girls found themselves standing in a ragged circle next to a piece of paper that read 'Chickin Nuggy', befittingly looking like chicken scratch. "Uh... Let's just get outta here first." Chihiro exasperatedly suggested. "Ice cream, anybody?"

--

"One chocolate and one caramel, please! You guys want 'em medium? ... Okay. Yeah. Thank you!"

For some reason, Aki was the one ordering, even though she didn't want any. Well, Chihiro supposed there was a reason - The five were on their way here when Aki randomly seemed wary and said, "T-There's the place! I can get your ice creams if you want," before speeding up. Chihiro assumed she had a phobia of the clothing store they passed by and left her to her whims, but just so Aki didn't have to babysit them anymore, Izumi and Chihiro went up for their desserts.

"So, continue what you were saying." Direct as usual, Mai said as they returned.

Izumi leaned against the railing overlooking the mall and talked as she ate her caramel ice cream. "Nom nom... So we were trying to come up with a band name, but we got nothing. Aki-yan said we must have something in common, but..." She trailed off. "Oh, this is yummy..."

One arm over the glass railing, Sorae played with an eraser and nearly dropped it as her contemplative face morphed into confusion. "I-I don't know either, sorry..."

"I think I have an idea." With her finger playing with a lock of green hair, Mai spoke up. Everyone's attention was instantly captured.

"Of course, one would naturally think about what we, as a collective, share - Whether it be personality or ideology. However, I thought it could be worth considering what we lack." She crossed her arms and looked at the view of the atrium. "That was when I recalled the conversation you four had at Live House HorizoN about your goals for the future. That is, before I... interrupted Sorae-senpai." Mai's glance at Sorae was soft. "I wondered if there was a common point there."

"Think about it - Sorae-senpai mentioned that her goals were to live a life without responsibility, while Izumi-senpai and Chihiro-san both agreed to something alike. I'm not sure if I remember what Aki-san said, but," Mai's gaze fell on the keyboardist. "would you say you agree with such an idea?"

Aki's blue gaze became oddly melancholic. "Hm… I guess, in a way."

"Right. And finally, I certainly would like to believe that I have goals for my future, but unfortunately when I contemplated it, I could not pinpoint a clear answer... Thus, I would like to present this as our common point."

A silence padded the end of Mai's sentence, followed by the next words, this time from Izumi. "Uh, don't get it."

"I would be glad to elaborate." Mai patiently sighed...

"... Ambition. Or rather, the lack of it."

The moment was definitely meant to be suspenseful, but Izumi casually broke in once again. "Dude, that's deep. I was hoping for something less cliche-sounding, but that's pretty cool~."

"I-Izumin!" Chihiro tried to scold her tactless upperclassman, but Mai was amazingly fine with the nonchalant reply. "Well, what do you propose to make it more... 'cool'?"

"We capitalize all the letters!!"

"The hell? That's so aggressive! Can't you make it, I dunno, more stylish like the way those idols do?" Chihiro sought for an example. "Actually... doesn't ECL:PSE write their name kinda funny?"

Aki answered. "Yup. It's all capitalized, and the 'I' is a colon. Cool, right?!" Her eyes sparkled. "Ain't this excitin'~? What'd they call that - 'poyo-yan'?"

Chihiro narrowed her eyes, "Poyo-what?"

"Wait--!" Sorae spoke out of the blue. "W-When we decide how to write our name, do we need a logo too?!"

"I suppose so." Mai acknowledged. "What, will you make--"

"I-I'll make it! I'll make the best logo ever! Um, well, maybe not, but--!" Sorae was now unusually fired up, her hands still playing tennis with one of her erasers. Everyone chuckled, even Mai, all the while accompanied with gratitude to the fidgety but enthusiastic Sorae.

Suddenly, the poor eraser tumbled out of her clumsy hands and over the glass railing, where it presumably plummeted onto the ground floor. Alarmed, Sorae desperately flailed and scratched at the air, to no avail. That day, an innocent life was lost to the great, gaping maw of the fabled fourth dimension.

"Sorae-senpai, please be more careful..." Mai murmured, a faint smile still lingering on her face.

"This isn't poyo-yan…"

"Poyo-stop, Aki-yan."

Chihiro's comment went completely ignored. "Don't worry, Sora-chin!" Aki said. "We can get it once we go back downstairs!"

"Unless it gets stolen," Izumi suggested with a lackadaisical smirk.

"You're. Not. Helping, Izumin!" Chihiro accusingly raised her voice, backed by humour. This was ridiculous - Of course she cared about these people. How could she have ever thought of hurting them?

How could she have ever thought of hurting them?

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