AMBiTiON/Story/Ch. 12

Chapter 12 - Low on Red Ink
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Chihiro laid on the mattress and stared blankly at a familiar ceiling. She thought her band project was going so well. Maybe that was just wishful thinking, after all. Was everything Chihiro involved with inevitably going to end in demise? ... Why her?

Oh, if only, she thought, if only she could be brave enough to just run away - It was certainly not any fault of hers that life despises her so very much. If no one in this world would love her, Chihiro supposed she could do it herself. And what easier way to do so than to just escape from it all? 'Without even a farewell to these idiot bandmates,' Chihiro humored her fantasies, 'that I never cared enough to care about.' It would be so easy to scrap this stupid story and start anew. But then, why did she hesitate to do so?

Feeling more lost than ever, Chihiro rolled over on her stomach and searched for something to distract herself with. 'Oh, right,' She picked up her phone, the light blinding her for a moment as she searched up a familiar website in her dark bedroom.

It was only a couple of days ago when Chihiro would have laughed at anyone who watched stuff like this. And yet here she was, seeking a bit of consolation in something as silly as an animated kids' show. 'And Sorae-chan better thank me for this act of generosity.'

So, looking up Majika MagiGal, Chihiro tapped on episode five and started watching...

The sound of a pencil at work started and stopped, started and stopped. In the middle of a classroom sat an expressionless girl, staring down papers on her desk.

Meanwhile, Popular Gal and Tiny Introvert lurked around because they thought they detected negative magic energy somewhere inside their school, and just as they were finally about to leave, Gal realized she left a textbook in her classroom and hurriedly spun away on her heel.

She spotted her homeroom teacher peering through the door's little window. "What are you doing, Sensei?"

"Oh? I'm just checking on her… She's having trouble with homework, so she's staying behind. Did you need something?"

"Just to get my textbook~! 'Scuse me."

The teacher left, apparently to get something from the faculty room, and Gal slid open the door.

Writing, erasing, rewriting a single sentence. Like a robot, with coded clockwork. The expressionless girl began to mutter. The negative magic's source seemed to be in that very room, noted Tiny.

Then, the muttering turned into a snarl, and soon into a yell. Suddenly Gal and Tiny found themselves head to head against a strange beast, curled protectively over the homework like a dragon hoarding its treasure.

As the battle initiated - like every other fight so far - quotes were thrown to and fro, probably for verbal attack... or something along those lines. With each strike the monster or Gal took, it roared aggressive criticisms detailing each and every mistake they made. Although Gal was being pushed back by the harsh words, the monster also hurt itself, yet it kept on attacking and attacking as if it couldn't feel a thing. For a show directed towards insecure little girls, Chihiro was slightly surprised at the aggression in their dialogue.

"I need... to be better! You need to be better!" A mutant growl emanated from the monster's maws.

"But you're not helping anyone - not me, and not yourself! You're just insulting both of us at this point!"

"What's important is that everyone knows their failures," growled the monster. "You puny little girl is just too sensitive to accept that some people have standards!"

"I get it! Failure is the mother of success, and practice makes perfect!" Gal clenched her teeth as she tried to summon her magical wand. "But can't you see you're hurting yourself? You're going too far!"

"Who cares that I'm hurting myself?! Nothing matters when quality is at stake! When my performance is...!!"

"'Who cares'? Who doesn't care?! I know I do!" Miss MagiGal herself finally conjured the wand and unleashed her special move, banishing the monster's corrupt heart and restoring the girl's soul.

Bright colours flashed across the screen. Chihiro found her mind going blank as she realized that the beast's lines were oddly reminiscent... of a certain Mai Moriuchi.

"Ugh!" Chihiro groaned, audibly. "That idiot who had to ruin everything...!" Though, with her teeth clenched and heart feeling heavy once again, Chihiro had to wonder how much of the beast's sentiments were shared by the aloof Moriuchi-san.

She listened idly to the ending song when a notification on the group chat appeared. About to get irritated by the fact she had to be reminded of The Ordeal one more time, she noticed something felt off. Chihiro tapped the notification.

"Sent by Sorae Ishizawa, 10:32PM, to Band gc: 'umm izumi chan can i come to haneoka monday afterschool?? (ó﹏ò) i wnat to talk to moriuchi san"'

--

Even her deep breaths were shaky.

Sorae tried her best to calm down, but to no avail. Why did she ever think this would be a good idea? Every step she was about to take will surely turn out wrong. Say something about herself, she would come across egotistical. Say something about Moriuchi-san, she would come across judgemental. Say nothing at all, she would be wasting time and looking like an idiot for telling Moriuchi-san she wanted to talk. It was true... Sorae really was a waste of time, wasn't she?

The umbrella in Sorae's hands trembled, the pattering of rain harmonizing with the raging static inside her head. It felt like her heart skipped every other beat, her eyes focusing and unfocusing as if she were somehow getting spontaneous cataracts, her stomach writhing with pain and fear as the butterflies fought their way out. Sorae felt heat on her cheeks and neck, yet chills on her back. She felt her lower jaw shuddering in anxiety, and most of all, the confusion and terror pressing harder and harder on her head until her legs became unstable with the vertigo tearing into her. Sorae pulled at her already unbrushed and damp hair, repeatedly licking her lips fearfully as the highschool girls in gray uniforms passed by her. She just couldn't do it. She couldn't.

"Hey, Raa-kun." Izumi's voice greeted, droplets bouncing off her plain teal umbrella. "Caterpillar splash~!"

Oh, it was time... Sorae thought she felt a ball of words get caught in her throat as she looked up from the ground to the short, curly-haired girl. Izumi stood by Haneoka's school gate, turning to someone Sorae couldn't see but could predict the presence of. "Moriuchi~! Raa-kun's here."

The figure revealed herself, moss-green hair flowing behind her. She stared upon Sorae with a straight face and hollow eyes, and Sorae heard the static in her head turn louder by the second.

"I-I'm here... to t-t-talk to you..." She wasn't sure how, but Sorae managed to stammer the words out.

Moriuchi-san continued to stare. "Understood. Follow me." Ominously, she began to walk away, and Sorae stumbled behind her.

"Hey, what about me~?" Izumi called.

Moriuchi-san halted and turned, "Ishizawa-senpai requested to speak to me, and me alone. I suppose you can wait for the moment."

Looking indignant, Izumi pouted and planted her feet firmly on the side of the main path, while Moriuchi-san led the terrified girl away.

Sorae watched her feet move as if it were through a TV screen as she trailed behind Moriuchi-san, passing puddles where rain made spreading ripples. The heavier the raindrop, the bigger the waves. The lighter, the smaller - Cause and effect. Sorae wished she could think about something useful, like reciting what she planned to say, but instead the only thing that played in her mind was what led her to this moment.

Due to Chihiro watching the series, as well as waiting for season two's release, Sorae was rewatching Majika MagiGal a few days ago when she reached episode five. Just as the other episodes always had, it made Sorae wonder what she would say in such a situation... That is, until the incident of last Friday.

Indeed, she was rather intimidated of Moriuchi-san - especially after what she'd said to her - and yet somehow thanks to the episode, Sorae found herself sympathizing with the girl she'd grown afraid of. Yes... maybe Moriuchi-san just had an unhealthy attachment to her own standards. Maybe she was simply troubled, and all she needed was sympathy... Oh, what was Sorae thinking?! She thought a fictional character could compare to a real person like that. She really thought she could just chat with Moriuchi-san and it would magically fix everything. She thought.

Sorae's head swam, the world beneath her swaying, barely aware of her own feet moving as she walked. And walked.

Unfittingly, the sky brightened.

She glanced up as Moriuchi-san finally stopped. They were on the side of the school, with no one else in sight - It resembled a strange alleyway. Sorae's stomach churned with the isolation.

"Well? I would much prefer not to waste my time. Say what you intend to say." Moriuchi-san ordered, her stern gaze piercing into Sorae.

Desperately trying to calm her nerves, Sorae took as deep a breath as she could. She wasn't ready. Although her throat had tied into a knot, the fidgety girl began to speak.

"A-About the other d-day, Moriuchi-san... I-I... I'm sorry."

And there, a radial ripple emerged.

"Um... I d-didn't really mean it when I t-talked back to you. I just... I-I got scared and then..." The pressure only kept increasing. "I know-- M-Moriuchi-san, I know you were just... trying to help me, but then I acted like you s-said something wrong and then, then... I messed up. You were right, I... I m-might as well be a child... I don't know anything, I don't..."

An uncomfortable sourness rose in her throat.

Sorae's apology was cut short by a sudden bout of tears rolling down her cheeks, but she was hardly aware. Why? Why couldn't she finish such a simple apology about something so minor? Sorae tried to mute herself, but with the uncontrollably sharp inhales, she just couldn't stop it. At least it was only the silent type of crying, but still… Really?

For a second, her body seemed to go numb. She couldn't control anything. Sorae could see her hair trembling, feel her jaws clenching. Tears... not the sad kind. She wasn't sad. She was scared.

Of what? Of Moriuchi-san? No, she'd sympathized with her just a moment ago. All that ran through Sorae's head were regrets, thinking if only she didn't retaliate, if only she'd never met this girl-- heck, if only she'd never met Aki, Chihiro, and Izumi, if only she never lost that sketchbook, and went home as usual, and quarantined herself inside her room and drew and watched anime and procrastinated until the sunlight from the window went out and she would lay there, in the dark. In her room. She couldn't be bothered to get up and turn on the lights - It was fine as is. She was happy... That was happy.

How did she ever think that was 'happy'?

It felt like forever had passed until Sorae's tears began dying down. As the soft drizzle came to a gradual stop, Moriuchi-san closed her transparent umbrella as it was now obsolete, finally breaking eye contact with Sorae, even for just a moment. Sorae reluctantly forced herself to do the same - though her arms ached from all the shaking and umbrella-holding, she felt a sense of protection under that surface.

Sorae couldn't discern Moriuchi-san's emotions even when she finally spoke, but her voice had gone softer. "Ishizawa-senpai, I'd like to know what your intentions are in apologizing to me this way. Are you, perhaps, hoping to win me over by siding with me?" She was staring at Sorae - she could tell even through the blurriness of her tears. "That is not wise. Look, you are correct in your assumption that I wanted to help. I did, indeed, want to give you advice on your outlook, however..." Sorae heard a sigh. "Consider this. What do your tears mean? To me, they tell me that you feel hurt, and by my actions, no less. Because I recognize that that day, what I had with you was not a conversation. It was a one-sided interaction, in which I had projected my own views onto you, an unwilling listener. Perhaps I'd only been trying to prove my correctness to myself, and never you, all along." She paused. "So, I suppose I should thank you."

Sorae's head jerked up. Thank... her?

"I thank you for having the courage to speak up against what I'd said to you, and righting the wrongs I had presented in that one-sided interaction. And... I'm sorry for hurting you."

Hearing the unexpectedly kind words only sparked another bout of tears from Sorae - Never would she have thought Moriuchi-san would say things like that. A first-year speaking so calmly to a second-year, crying like a stupid child. Who could have imagined?

Before Sorae could even process it, Moriuchi-san suddenly and impulsively leaned her umbrella against the wall, to reach and hold Sorae's hand firmly. It was warm. For the first time, her face softened and she comforted in a gentle voice.



"Come on, I've still got more to say. Take deep breaths."

A clack rang from the umbrella's fall to the ground. Neither of them batted an eye. Sorae didn't need Moriuchi-san's instruction - The warmth in her hand was enough. Sorae breathed as much as she could manage, fighting the quick gasps of air. Gradually, she calmed down, but the bizarreness of the situation soon took over her.

"I... really am a k-kid, aren't I...?" She murmured.

Moriuchi-san ignored Sorae's comment. "Would you... like to know why I joined your band?" She began, her voice still soft. Wordlessly, Sorae nodded.

"You must remember my younger sister, Fuyuna? She'd been urging me to find someone to spend time with. I informed her I was part of the Literature Club, but she did not take that for an answer. 'Hurting myself with the isolation', she says. I'm not quite sure how..." She glanced away, "but Fuyuna insists so, and you did as well. So when I found out Takimoto-senpai is in a band, I decided to join you, due to her sister Kiyomi being Fuyuna's bandmate..."

Moriuchi-san let out a sigh. "And yet, I never changed. I pretended I followed her suggestion just by being in your proximity, when I barely speak to any of you. I kept up my independence and never co-operated with anyone in your band, and even hurt you." She lowered her gaze of regret and confusion. "Yes. I'm sorry for all I did. How pathetic of me, that I cannot do what I think is 'right' without hurting someone that never deserved it…"

"... But I-I want you."

Moriuchi-san blinked. "Hm?"

"T-The band. I don't really get it, but..." She searched for the right words, "you just... did what you thought was right, d-didn't you?" Sorae's amber gaze hardened, sincerely looking into Moriuchi-san's eyes. "I'm... over it. Y-Yeah, I was scared, but I'm okay now, so please... join our band. You're the right one, um, I can tell."

"... Thank you, Ishizawa-senpai." The tiny smile on Moriuchi-san's face was so comforting.

Sorae showed a small smile back, "Y-You can call me by my first name. It's… Sorae."

"And my name is Mai."

Only at that moment could Sorae hear her heart beating in relief's silence. Slowly, the realization sunk in: She did it… She did it. She bothered to do it.

Mai let go of her hand, and somehow Sorae found herself disappointed. "Well, we must return to Takimoto-senpai. She has been waiti--"

"Raa-kun!!!!"

From around the corner, a short silhouette appeared and dive bombed Sorae. An open teal umbrella was chucked away lackadaisically. "Yay!! You did it, Raa-kun~!!"

"Takimoto-senpai?! How long have you been there...?" Startled, Mai's face turned the faintest pink as she realized Izumi had heard everything.

"That's Izumin to you, MAI-CHAN!" Izumi spun and proceeded to hug Mai instead, locking her from movement as Izumi immobilized her arms.

Mai simply looked away. "I cannot believe you two are my upperclassmen," she exasperatedly muttered, not bothering to struggle against Izumi's ambush. Even with her vision still misty from tears, Sorae couldn't help but smile a little more. It turned out okay after all.

Getting up wasn't that much of a hassle, was it?

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Trivia

 * Mai's initial 3* card is displayed in this story.